You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Those Old Time Feelings
I still have bad days. But that's okay. I used to have bad years.
Sometimes, the old feelings creep back in. We may feel fearful, ashamed, and hopeless. We may feel not good enough, unlovable, victimized, helpless, and resentful about it all. This is codependency, a condition some describe as soul sickness.
Many of us felt this way when we began recovery. Sometimes, we slip back into these feelings after we've begun recovery. Sometimes there's a reason. An event may trigger these reactions, such as ending a relationship, stress, problems on the job, at home, or in friendships. Times of change can trigger these reactions. So can physical illness.
Sometimes, these feelings return for no reason.
A return to the old feelings doesn't mean we're back to square one in our recovery. They do not mean we've failed at recovery. They do not mean we're in for a long, painful session of feeling bad. They just are there.
The solution is the same: practicing the basics. Some of the basics are loving and trusting ourselves, detachment, dealing with feelings, giving and receiving support in the recovery community, using our affirmations, and having fun.
Another basic is working the Steps. Often, working the Steps is how we become enabled and empowered to practice the other basics, such as detachment and self-love.
If the old feelings come back, know for certain there is a way out that will work.
Today, if I find myself in the dark pit of codependency, I will work a Step to help myself climb out.
Sometimes it is so easy to get into a funky mood or feeling that seems to come out of nowhere at times. Sometimes I know where it is coming from. Either way, I know they will pass eventually because nothing ever stays the same. My level of discomfort with it for any period of time will often determine when I am going to pick up those steps or not. Working on the 12 Steps is my solution to my problems today. Checking my motives and processing them, will aid in my recovery from toxic behavior such as self-sabotage or harm to myself and others. I will start trusting in my higher power, which I call "God" and do what I think his will for me to do is, and then make any amends I owe. Shame and Guilt will slip away and I will become esteemed! Works every time!