Sunday, June 19, 2022

Be Brave

I colorized this one and added a perfect slogan for today! I am starting to think a lot about what is coming up for me with getting the myeloma diagnosis ruled out. It is really messing with my plans. Damn! I don't want to do a bone marrow biopsy.  I really never thought cancer ran in my side of the family. Although my mother had larynx cancer caused by smoking and drinking. It was one of the reasons why I quit smoking and drinking too.  Fear of Larynx Cancer. Then I think about where I was born and I know that area had nuclear power plant and my father worked for one. Oh well, it is going to be the way it is. I am not making plans on dying! Just not! Matter of fact, I am making plans that this is just another one of those things for my back! 

June 19 
“It’s not what he has, nor even what he does, which directly expresses the worth of a man, but what he is.” HENRI FRéDéRIC AMIEL 

Many of us can see now that we derived much of our self-worth from our avocations and occupations. As athletes, for example, our identities flowed from the ability to run a marathon or power a mountain bike up a steep trail. As professionals, we measured our worth by productivity, creativity, and the financial rewards we received. Some of us also valued ourselves according to our physical appearance. 

When illness roared into our lives, the foundations of our identities crumbled and our self-worth soon followed. We were devastated because we could barely swing a golf club or run once around the block. We were humiliated because we missed deadlines, lost time from work, and felt thoroughly incompetent. And we were mortified by the way we looked. 

Those of us who have taken this kind of fall had been measuring our value on the wrong scales. We’ve since learned that true and lasting self-worth comes not from what we do for a living or for fun, but from who we are—from such valuable inner qualities as courage, kindness, honesty, faith, and humility. These are the qualities we continue to nurture, the ones that will thrive no matter what our physical condition.

 Do I sometimes feel that illness has depreciated my value as a person?

Dorian, J.S.. Above and Beyond: 365 Meditations for Transcending Chronic Pain and Illness . Central Recovery Press, LLC. Kindle Edition. 


Yes, it has. I can not keep up with other people physically. This has been a lifelong problem of mine. I think people see me as lazy and maybe I am now because of the fact it hurts to move. So, I try not to.  I do know that I am very creative and I often will think outside the box. I can see things that others miss. That can be a positive trait but for some people, I am too analytical. It just comes naturally and easily.

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