Fear No More
I will not fear those who have hurt me, For You have given me power. I shall sleep without nightmares; You have given me peace. I shall awaken with a clear and rested mind; You have given me clarity. I shall start my day happy, joyous, and free; You have given me my recovery; You have given me a new life. For Your grace, I will demonstrate my gratitude In useful and positive action Throughout this day.
P., Bill; D., Lisa. The 12 Step Prayer Book: A Collection of Inspirational Daily Readings (Hazelden Meditations) (p. 15). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.
I have to admit that I usually sleep well at night as long as I am taking care of myself. I do get plagued with insomnia for a couple nights in a roll. I am not sure where that is coming from other than it could be a hormone thing - even postmenopausal. It was a normal thing for me when I was younger during that time. It just didn't go away. I slept well this whole weekend.
Yesterday instead of feeling sorry for myself I stayed active and I tried not to think about the conference rejection I have felt. I have felt a lot of rejection from nicotine anonymous world service. I beginning to think this recovery is too toxic for me. I have wondered thousand of times if it was me. So, I did things that I enjoy doing and I am having fun at it. I still do my prayers and meditations and I am so thankful for my recovery from nicotine. I don't want to lose out on that. But I do live in chronic pain and I use Medical Marijuana - the low dose THC to control pain. I think this is in conflict with the alcoholics in the program. Some days are better than others, so because of this fact, I think I am not that welcome in Nicotine Anonymous World Service. It is funny, now that the conference is over, my blood sugars are back down again. I think my stress level is down. I just have to remember not to sit into rejection. I am a good person I think. I try not to hurt anyone with intention. I deserve to be treated well.