Step One - CPA

 Working STEP ONE:  We admitted we were powerless over our pain and illness- that our lives had become unmanageable. 

1. Have I made a list of specific ways I am powerless over pain and illness? 

I have tried changing my pain and illness to no avail. I have found ways to decrease it, but I have never gotten rid of it. Initially, that was my goal, but today it is different. I consider many factors, as I know not getting rid is not a realistic goal. I strive for progress, not perfection.

2. What does “admitting powerlessness” mean to me?

It means I cannot control the natural order of things. It will turn out the way it will. 

 3. How important is control to me? 

I was rigid in my way of thinking. It was a matter of safety for me. I found no way to control what others would do.  Today it is more boundary setting for me than putting controls on what others do.

4. In what ways do I recognize that my life is unmanageable? 

Yes, I have tried to figure my problems out on my own with no help from others and have ended up in horrible places from lack of input. My number one problem now is increasing my activity when I hurt so bad. I will have to do it, or my diabetes will only worsen. My doctor told me this today. He said I could diet all I wanted, but it probably wouldn't help much. I need the activity.

5. What keeps me holding on to the illusion that I can control chronic pain and illness? 

I am curious if I will hold the illusion today. I know when I get flares that, I am powerless, but I do try to take care of myself. Sometimes I avoid activity, well most of the time, I do. It hurts more when I do it, but I feel much better after it settles. So this is my challenge. How do I go about increasing my activity? I will start walking Sadie more.

6. What does “surrender” mean to me? In what ways do I struggle with the surrender suggested in this Step? 

It means that I start doing things other than just my own suggestions.

7. What does being teachable mean to me? How does it manifest in my life? 

I have become open-minded about things and not just stuck to my thinking. I become ready to listen.

8. What does willingness feel like to me? How do I recognize when I am willing?

This means I will take action even when I don't feel like it. When I become reluctant, I do it anyway. I become ready to do things it takes to recover from my own negative thinking.

9. How would my life look if I were relieved of the emotional pain that is part of my condition and circumstances?

I would be out of all the unnecessary harmful effects of the poor choices I made. I would be smiling more.

Chronic Pain Anonymous Service Board. Recipe for Recovery: A Guide to the Twelve Steps of Chronic Pain Anonymous (p. 5). Chronic Pain Anonymous Service Board. Kindle Edition.